Wut do u do when u feel like everything in ur world is falling apart? when nothing makes sense..when everyone u care about leaves?? should u jus stop and make a new start? or should u jus not give a fuk...and keep goin...or should u jus say fuk it and end it all...end all ur missery...pain...everything...like why does everything in ur life have to end sometime?? y does something so sweet have to turn soo sour...y does everything have to end? Why? i dont understand this world...its so confusing...but then again its the test of life...right? u gotta go through all these courses....through life...and in the end it will all be worth it? Then y do u have to go through so much pain and suffering?? Broken Hearts....cut arms.....bloody razors...depression...wut could it be hidden from?..Drugs? Alcohol? or do u have to sit there and jus deal with it...i dont know the answer... I sit here contemplating on the world. Wondering why I have been put throught the bullshit I been through. Wondering why everything I get close to fades away wondering why everyone that I love leaves me or turns on meand still I sit here in my world of pain with no relief of joy or happiness only pain, hurt, shame, depression and guilt. My hurt soul aches for love, happiness, truth, faith, hope. But the solomn tears that wet my face are only wiped away by my hand and still I am alive waiting for death to creep apon my corrutped life. To relieve me of my pain, loss, hurt, shame, guilt, lonlyness, to set my shattered heart free. To finally be in a peaceful state with actual hope of sanity. My insane mind is what occupies me when Im alone. I feel I am cursed never to have someone to love someone to help ease my beat up soul to heal my broken heart and still I sit here, with guilt on my shoulders to feel guilty of such thoughts, guilty of hurting my family friends and myself. Afraid to committ suicide for the fear of missing out on things. The fear of dieing alone. The draft of cold are creeps across my naked body as I lay in bed by mylsef wishing the only person I loved so dearly were beside me...but I am too blind to understand why he left. Why we arent together today. I cry broken tears for the loss of the first love that was stolen by a girl  I dont even know. This makes me feel dirty so I bathe but it will not clean my body or mind from the fillthy feeling of being compared to her. Missing him only puts me through more pain more hurt more depression. But yet I still torture myself. The slashes of red blood ease the emotions but only for momments so still I cry...for something. I dont know why...my solomn vows to love him with all my heart before it was broke..to be happy. But no one understands the pain I am goin through with the loss of the only life I was happy dreaming about. My life, dreams, hope, were stolen to leave me with nothingness to leave me with nothing but a bag of dope, a straw, and a mirror to blind the hurtful memories that float in my corrupted mind. My wishful thinking has got me nowhere but hell. but I pretend I am fine, strong, that my heart was mended by time waiting for love once again...but in truth I still morne for him..greeve for lost love,...still I look back on those memories that put me through so much pain and cry, pray for it all back.but still nothing...more pain more hurt....more depression and greef and my lonly nothingness..the only things that keep me from being 6 feet under are the happy times in my life which are few because the damage drugs have done on my brain made me forget half of them. My fatal future of a half assed life drives me nutz. My life of lies and desseption. My heart is shattered into a million pieces too small to pick up. the only way to mend it is love..but why mend it when it will only be shattered again?